- The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
Well, how would you define love anyway? Its varies, right? To be aware of your feelings and knowing that you don't love a thing/a person is something I would definitely choose over facing a confusion of waves of infatuation and curiosity. I don't think you should blame anyone when they are being honest, even if it ends with your heart being broken. On the other hand, there are many who would rather pretend to be blissful in ignorance than to face the truth. Here is something I will never really be able to comprehend. Maybe it is because it is too intimate and personal or I still have a lot to learn.
- from Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
I might as well suppose that these lines were written for me.
Wouldn't this be a lot easier to grasp if we looked at relationships between people from an economic viewpoint, analysing the cost-benefits of dating a particular someone with another, using game theory to calculate whom to ask out on a date or predicting a break-up based on the gradual decrease of a person's marginal utility? This is not as bad as it looks, people do practice it, if not for material gains, then due to ego-centric reasons. However, the inclusion of 'economics' would make it absurd. Love and relationships themselves would become a travesty. After all, is it not a popular notion that love is unconditional? (although I think it is more close to compromising or just one's hormones acting up "D). Clearly, I should not be writing on this subject.
In any case, if I ever fall head over heels in love one day, I may take it all back. Till then, ephemeral affections will suffice.
(Pardon the language)
I seriously have no clue how I got here from reading about attempt to commit a crime. It is unfair to have such a short-attention span :(
Interesting insight. It reminded me of something that I used to spend a lot of thought on... about... let's see... it's already been about two years now I guess. I'd thought of putting it up on my blog, but never got around to it. My trail of thought I believe, was concerned with this particular issue of relationships, or in a more general term, 'love'. Now that's a big word isn't it? I'd written quite a bit back then, but neither do I have the patience nor the memory to recollect all of it.
ReplyDeleteAs I recall, after much thought, I'd concluded that love, as we know it, is not so much about giving unto others, as it is about getting. I'd established that love is essentially selfish. Why? Well - why do we fall in love? We fall in love because it is a 'need' - we 'want' someone to talk to, share our feelings with, fill the holes in our lives. That I believe, is the core and origin of love. A need. A want. A desire. After we feel such needs are fulfilled, then only comes the desire to give. So I guess people shouldn't hold onto something if they don't think they're getting the love they deserve. Because like I said, since love is primarily a need, one can only give true love if one feels loved.
On a more academic note, I would also say that relationships are essentially an arena of a struggle for power. Now, granted I am doing my Masters in Political Science and am not immune to disciplinary bias, but still, I do believe it is. Sure pop culture as it is would have us believe that relationships are all about compromise and surrender, but I believe, on a more practical interpretation, a relationship as it exists today usually involves the two people, whether consciously or unconsciously, vying for power to have the upper hand, such that if an argument (whatever the issue maybe) were to arise, one would have the right to say that he/she is giving love, and not receiving as much in return, and hence is not the one at fault. This seems like a cruel representation of relationships doesn't it? I admit it is. Although this is my analysis of relationships as I see them nowadays, it does not mean, nor do I believe that this is how it should be, or could be for that matter. The prince has left the princess to look for her true prince a long time ago, but then again, he hasn't yet banished the thought of meeting his true princess one day.. although for now, he cannot deny that the forest he trudges through bears only dark forebodings ahead... that is as best I can put it. Too much imagery perhaps? Well, I guess I should leave the imagery to the pros viz., Mr Noriega - http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_VGsreexPmwc/THKfDmihP8I/AAAAAAAABMc/Sbz9fuM2SsE/s1600/42.jpg You can charge me guilty of thinking too much almost all the time :-D
Puipuii's post - 281 words
ReplyDeleteAndy's comment - 501 words
:D
@Mizohican: I was thinking about the same thing (with my last post too).
ReplyDelete@Andy: I think true love as in romance, if it exists, would just be true love in itself, requiring no reciprocity. There are people who like to be on the giving end ,only, in relationships, maybe to feel needed and important, and when that stops the relationship breaks down too, because they cannot see themselves dependent on the other. (Why else would the institution of marriage as it is today still hold up or tend to break down when there is a role reversal?)
Relationships as an arena of power struggle maybe the most apt description. But what isn't? In relationships, even as third parties we tend to side with the one we see as more justified and the more loving and giving.
@Mizohican & Puipuii: Now I feel really stupid about my last comment :-D Anyways, I wish I could believe your idea of true love - love in itself. But what is love in itself? Isn't love subjective to the people in love? Is the love between different couples the same in its nature and practice?
ReplyDeleteI want to believe as well that certain people feel the need to give without reciprocity. But, I would say that is an essentially utopian idea. We're all selfish as human beings - I wish we weren't, but that's just how I see it (okay so Thomas Hobbes influenced me a little!) I'm not a pessimist though - I believe the human condition has a lot more to offer than selfishness. And I don't think the selfishness I've mentioned is bad in all its forms. And for something that goes as deep as love - I think we should all be selfish about it! :-D Cheers though - I thoroughly appreciate the flow with which you elucidate your thoughts, and with that awesome admiration, do I beg to differ humbly! And yes, the whole world's an arena for power struggle. Our professor the other day asked me why we struggle for power - I've yet to come up with an answer!
Keep writing! You're more prolific than me and my big head that can't seem to put to paper these rambles into a blog update! :-D
And I feel stupid about my post :D. Love is a matter of interpretation and/or relativity. So, I can't comment further on that than to forward hypotheses only to be shot down by the next.
ReplyDeleteWhat is selfishness, anyway? :) It is commonly defined as an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself only, even at the risk of harming another (yeah, something like that). But isn't that inevitable? All our actions will consequentially be both good and bad for different people, when only it is for the good of the majority do we see it as an act of altruism (lets leave out the grey area here). Yeah, I'm a bit of an existentialist.
So, won't you put this selfishness to be among the factors leading to the struggle for power? And there is little to oppose the idea that whoever holds power undoubtedly and shamelessly dictates the morals of the society and in that lay out a justification for their deeds? I would like to further elaborate on this but I'm rather tired now.
When you come up with an answer to your Professor's question, let me in on it too? ")
@puipuii: I know the feeling - the mind is willing, the body is not :-D As for my professor's question - I'll remember to pass it on :-D
ReplyDeleteNice Post... and where the topic of "Love" is, there you find Andy Varte.. hehe.. NOI @Andy..
ReplyDeleteI agree with the "Love is a matter of interpretation and/or relativity".. No one can say to another "I love my wife more than you do yours".. and it's too complicated a subject to try and explain..
IMHO, and not self-promoting, check this post which pretty much sums up my feeling on Love..
http://blackestred.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/love-is-what-love-does/
I van Ramble rei tawh em em.. :-D
ReplyDelete@blackestred: Thank you. "I’ve read countless magazines where they write that girls like to talk about themselves, you should compliment them, blah blah…" - never works if they see through it but ignorance is feigned if you like the guy. :)
ReplyDelete@Alejandro: I sual em mai :p Maybe you should come up with a title :D...